Missing Houses
by SketchWriter
Summary: As houses are mysteriously disappearing in Night Vale, your radio host Cecil Baldwin proceeds to comment on the rarities of his town; a floating and very aggressive cat in the toilets, angels playing bingo for entertainment, dangerous hooded figures and a strictly forbidden dog park.


In the vast emptiness of space, planets can be found. If our little planet has cultivated a, somewhat intelligent, form of life, who is to say the inhabitants of other planets don't laugh at us?

Welcome to Night Vale.

Houses in the near area of the dog park, built by the city Council only a mere couple of weeks ago, have disappeared. Not all houses are gone, but let's be honest, the ones that are still there are not really worth the effort of disappearing, are they? The Sheriff's Secret Police is scattered over the different sights in order to shed some light on the case of the missing houses. Speaking of light; some people who were passing by and happened to witness the 'House Abduction' say they saw some strange lights emanating from the windows of the house. Loud moans could also be heard, according to the witnesses, as if- and I quote, 'the house itself was in pain and refused to let go of the ground.' The witnesses have been taken into custody by the Sheriff's Secret Police, only never to be seen again.

On a completely different note, dear listeners, the cat we found hovering in the men's bathroom of this radio station has moved. Only weeks ago Khosekh, who is now a proud member of the Night Vale community radio station, seemed to be immobile in his levitating state of being. Now, however, I am certain he has moved at least one feet to the left, causing him to be directly in front of the door, so he can greet anyone who has the idea of using the bathroom in order to empty one's bladder. 'Greeting' of course means 'using this person's face as a scratching pole' in the case of Khosekh. And who can blame him? I bet that if you had been hanging four feet in the air for weeks without anything to do other than eat and drink to your heart's content, you would do exactly the same. Whether Khosekh's movement is due to a gush of wind, his continuously gaining of weight or just pure coincidence, remains an unanswered question.

Let's go back to the mystery of the missing houses, ladies and gentlemen, because apparently the Hooded Figures, who normally reside inside the dog park, have assembled themselves on one of the now empty grounds where there used to be a house. No-one knows what they are doing. They just seem to stand there and let out a sort of static-like sound while doing so.

The Sheriff's Secret Police still has no idea what took the houses or where the houses actually are now, but they do advise any- and everyone who has lost their house to come forward to be questioned at a, for now, still secret location to see who can be blamed for the theft.

The scientists have arrived, everyone! The group of scientists, who are staying in Night Vale, have made their entrance on the sight with the Hooded Figures. They are busy doing all sorts of scientific research no-one of us can actually understand. Carlos is also with them. Wonderful Carlos. Carlos with his beautiful hair, which has been brutally murdered and destroyed by that awful barber Tally. Unfortunately Tally, who had a period of only speaking to and interacting with cactuses, has returned to Night Vale and is now back in his shop. So, everyone who wants their hair to be cut by the same man who thought a cactus standing in the desert surrounding our beautiful town desperately needed a haircut, Tally is now back and open for business like never before! Let's give him all a warm welcome back, people, and show him how much we haven't missed him. But, and I say this with great pleasure, that wonderful hair on the equally wonderful head of the even more wonderful Carlos, has returned in its full glory. And rightfully so. Thankfully Tally hasn't been able to do any permanent damage. Yet…

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City Council is opening a new bookstore in the heart of our beautiful city. Tomorrow night there will be an official opening of the bookstore amidst festivities. The Council would like to remind everyone that attendance _is_ mandatory and that absence _will _be noticed. Everyone who is, for whatever reason, unable to be present at the opening will be found and dragged off to the empty desert surrounding us by the Sheriff's Secret Police.

The bookstore will contain only Council-approved literature such as 'Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil' and 'See, hear but keep quiet', for the reading benefit of all. Books that the Council has deemed 'unfit' will not be sold in the bookstore, and people who ask about them will be punished.

The festivities will include an arena fight. Instead of using nets, spears and other Roman weapons, books will be used. Also, the first ones to volunteer will receive a free copy of the book 'Gladiator'.

And with that, listeners, it's time for the weather.

Oh. Apparently there is no weather today, due to the weatherman's house having disappeared in a myriad of strange lights. With the weatherman still inside. That's unfortunate.

But to be honest, we don't really need a weather predictor, do we? Rain is a very rare occurrence here in the desert. And even though we are no strangers to out of the ordinary-occurrences, I estimate the chance of a snow storm very small.

Let's move on, shall we?

Old woman Josie is organizing a bingo game somewhere next week. She says that she is in need of some social interaction with other beings than the Angels that have been keeping her company for the last couple of weeks, and what better way to do so than a game of good old fashioned bingo? She also likes to note that the Angels will not use their clairvoyance to win, so everyone has a fair chance of winning. Prizes will vary, depending on the amount of numbers you have been able to cross off of your list.

The Sheriff's Secret Police just notified us, and with that I mean they notified _me_, of the strange lights appearing again. Apparently the lights that have taken the houses, are back. The light intensity is so bright, listeners, that I can see it through the windows of the radio station. To me, however, they are a dim glow, but to the people present at the scene, it appears to be 'a blinding light', or so they seem to be screaming.

I don't know if you can hear it, but the moaning sound, as described earlier, is also back, and I most certainly _can_ hear it. Of course, if you are one of the five percent of the people here in Night Vale who are born without the sense of hearing, you cannot hear it, so my apologies for mentioning this horrible, dreadful sound. You can also not hear me, which makes my apology useless. But let the _thought _of an apology from my side comfort you.

The Hooded Figures have left the locations and broken the circles they were, apparently, standing in. They are now retreating to the shadows of their beloved dog park, in which no-one will ever walk their dog.

Aahh, and there are the houses. Back in their place, as if nothing has ever happened. Well, it would be, were it not for the fierce, red glow coming from them. Well, it's better than nothing. The owners just have to get used to their ever glowing house. At least it will save them the costs of electricity and light. And the bright side of this is: the scientists now have yet another mystery to solve. Hopefully it will take them a long time.

And with that, dear listeners, I leave you for the night. Stay tuned for an hour long broadcast of the moaning sound of floorboards.

Remember, and old, creaking floorboard on the first floor is better than no floorboards there at all.

Good night.


End file.
